Galway Bart's Fonee Dyree

Well, it waws anuddur unkumftabul nyt awn dhe settee fur mee. It turnd owt dhat Aymonn’s gerlfrend Jesseeka had moovd in wyl my bak waws turnd an hee iss reelee undur hur thum. Wee kudint tawk prawpurlee widh hur sittin dher lissnin too uss, an hee kudint go owt widh mee beekaws shee ses dhay arr sayvin harrd too gett marreed an hee iss nawt too spend ennee munnee at awl awn durink. Pur Aymonn had a kynd awv huntid luk wen shee sed dhis. I haytid too see sumwun hoo yustoobee so prowd an indupendunt hangin hiss hed lyk dhat. It reelee mayd mee kurinj. So now I had too prawblums, wawt toodoo abowt my anoyn ant an wawt toodoo abowt pur Aymonn. Reelee, sumtyms juss livin iss burdinsum.Wen I gawt hom hawblin I fownd pur Dawlee waytin fur mee beesyd dhe hedj. Shee had tryd too gett in dhe windo awv my room as yooshooal butt my horribul ant slammd it down neerlee choppin off hur tayl. Dawlee tol mee dhat shee awlso menshund sumting abowt Irish styoo, wich waws verree meen awv hur an mayd mee eevun morr determint too fiks hur wunss an furawl assoon as I kud. Normlee I juss push opin my dorr an go insyd, butt tooday I fownd dhat Ant Ysolda had lawkd it an shee pritendud nawt too heer mee nawkin. Wen shee did dayn too opin dhe dorr, shee tol mee too bee shur too wyp my feet wen I kaym into my on howss, wich waws infyureeaytin, an shee sed awlso dhat Dawlee wud hav too stay owtsyd lyk a propur sheep, dhe cheek awv hur. Nowun speeks abowt my Dawlee lyk dhat an getts away widh it, an I gayv it too my Ant Ysolda hawtt an hevee, I kan tell yoo. Dhis had such an effek awn hur dhat shee lett mee doo dhe wawshin up an awl hur yrnin wyl shee wawchd Koronayshun Street awn dhe tellee. An acleest its wawrm owtsyd dhese nyts, so Dawlee wont fureez.Laytur awn hoo shud kum rownd too see uss butt Missus ORylee so lyk dhe gennelman I am I left dhem tawkin toogeddur an went up dhe hill widh Dawlee fur owr eevunin konstichooshunal. As I went up Maggee happund too bee kummin down. Shee had awn wun awv hur partiklee prittee duressis, an I thawt awv komplimentin hur butt dhen I reememburrd dhat I didunt reelee lyk hur an turnd my hed dhe uddur way. Fur sum reesun dhis mayd hur laff an shee beegan too skip down dhe hill lyk a littul gerl sumwun has givin sumting nyss too. An dhen hoojoo tink I saw skulkin behynd a rawk butt dhat lamposs Mikee OHoolihan, hoos famlee my deer muddur awlways sed waws kommun as muk, an suddinlee it waws kleer too mee wawt had been goin on awl dhe tym behynd my bak. An I waws filld widh a rayj so terribul dhat I had too forss myself too go on up dhe hill or els I wud hav turnd rownd an givun Mikee such a belt dhat heed nevur furgettit. So now my lisst awv enimees iss getting longur, an has three peepul on it, my Ant Ysolda, Aymonns gerlfrend Jesseeka, an Mikee OHoolihan. At dhis rayt Im goin too need dhe hol Talyin Maffya on my syd.