Galway Bart's Fonee Dyree

I gawt up errlee dhis mawrnin tinkin I wud go fur a wawk widh Dawlee, butt juss as I putt my nos owtsyd dhe door hoo shud I see kummin along dhe path butt my Ant Ysolda furom Dublin, hoo iss my wurs nytmerr. I tryd too shut dhe dorr butt I waws too layt. Shee has nawt loss ennee awv hur faymd atletikism an had hur fut ovur dhe treshold beforr I kud sukseed. Wen shee hadad a gud luk rownd my playss, widh lawts of tungklikin an gaspin, an waws sittin down in Dawlees cher by dhe stov, shee lukked at mee in dhat horriblee noin way awv hurs an sed, Well an watts awl dhis Iv been heerin abowt yoo maykin a disgrayss awv dhe famlee an dhe tryb?

I nyoo imeejiclee dhat Missus Orylee had gawt in tuch widh hur, dhe olbich, butt I tryd too luk innesint as I awfurrd too mayk hur sum tee. In dhis kichin, shee ses, hur ybrows goin up undur hur herr. I lukkd arownd. Watts rong widh it, I sed. Iff yur purr muddur wer heer, sheed tellyoo kwik enuff, ses shee. Dhats wawt mayd mee angree, hur sayin dhat abowt my muddur, hoo awl hur lyf haytid hur guts. I havint tuchd a ting sinss shee dyd, I tol my ant. Its dhe verree saym as dhe day shee left. Yes, I kan see dhat, shee sneerd. It shurlee luks lyk it. Itwaws at dhat momint I disydid it waws tym too doo sumting abowt my Ant Ysolda, butt wawt dhis willbee I kant imajin juss yet. Butt itwill bee sumting gud awl ryt.

Luklee, beein furom Dublin, my ant didunt notiss enneeting straynj wen I sed I waws goin owt too feed dhe sheep. Wen hur bak waws turnd I manijd too sneek Dawlee owt awv dhe bedroom an wen wee gott arown dhe kornir awv dhe pathway wee beegan too run. I wasint shur wer wee wer runnin, butt juss that I wawntid too gett away furom my awfull ant. Butt too my suprys I fownd myself owtsyd Maggee’s kottij an as luk wud hav it shee waws juss leevin too go sumwer. I stoppd an sed, O hy Maggee, an shee laffd as shee pulld dhe dorr beehynd hur an sed, So how dijoo lyk yur vistur dhis mawrnin, an I reememburrd dhen dhat I didunt lyk Maggee enneemorr. So I juss preetendid I didunt heer hur an wawkd awn up dhe hill, awldho my hart waws powndin an kwyt sor. I reelysd dhen dhat I waws suffrin furom troo luv an dhat shod mee sumting reveelin, wich iss dhat yoo dont hav too lyk sumwun too luv dhem, wich eksplayns how my Ant Ysolda had manijd too meet sumwun hoo wud marree hur. It muss bee dhis kemistree ting dhat dhayr awlways tawkin abowt awn dhe tellee an I wundurd wawt wud happin if sumwun sprayd sumting in dhe err dhat mayd dhe kemistree stawp wurkin. I imajind awl dhe peepul lyk my ant an Missus ORylee suddinlee beein fownd owt an turfd furom dher kosee homs by dher husbans and wyvs hoo suddinlee had dhe massks reemoovd furom dher yss.

Dhen I gawt too tinkin abowt hoo mayd dhe kemistree in dhe furs playss. It kudint bee Gawd, beekawss hee wud hav been abul too mayk dhos peepul nyssur too start widh, so no kemistree wud bee needid too mayk uddurs fawl in luv widh dhem. I waws juss tinkin awl dhis wen I fell down into a rabbit hol an twistid my ankul, an so I had too putt away such foolish thawts an try too gett bak down dhe hill by hawpin. I disydid I wudint go bak hom beekaws if dhers wun ting wurss dhan beein stuk in dhe hows widh my Ant Ysolda, its beein stuk dher widh hur awn onlee wun legg. So insted I disydid too go an see my frend Aymonn hoo livs in dhe villij.

Aymonn iss wawt dhay kawl a harrd tikit. Evreewun tinks hee is jokin wen hee iss seeryus an seeryus wen hee is jokin. Dhats wy hee sumtyms ends up in jayl aftur jokin widhe gards an sumtyms gets away widh murdur wen hee is seeryus. Wich is wy I thawt I wud go too see him an ask him abowt my Ant Ysolda, dhe anoyn bich.