Galway Bart's Fonee Dyree

I didunt gett a chanss too ryt my dyree yesturday ass I waws so bizee gettin reddy fur dhe bawl. I hadent gott a blak shurt an had too spend owrs lukkin fur sum mud too roll my gud wyt wun in – wee havent had much rayn layclee. Dhen Dawlee thawt dhat I waws playin an jumpd intoo dhe mud too, so I had too wawsh hur wen wee gawt hom, wich took a lawt morr tym. Dhen I had too lawk hur in dhe bedroom so dhat shee wuddent follo mee down too dhe villij.

Dher wer twelv awv us at dhe bawl, wich startid at nyn, wen awl dhe wimmin had arryvd. Wee had too hyd beehynd dhe hawl wawl so dhey wuddint see us an it waws awflee harrd too bee kwyt. Mikee OHoolihan awlmos gayv dhe gaym away by snortin widh lafftur. I muss say dhat wen I saw Maggee kummin down dhe hill widh hur frend Soosun Ograydee, I felt a littul sawree butt I cuddint lett my feelins fur hur affek my dyootee too dhe menn.

Wen awl dhe wimmin had gawn insyd an klosd dhe dorr, wee krept owt awv owr hydin playss an srowndid dhe hawl. At a signul furom Josuf, hoom wee kawl Saynt Josuf beekaws hee spends so much tym in dhe church, wee awl beegan too mayk noyses, showtin an bloin wissels an bangin stiks awn dhe wudden wawls, an wee kudd heer dhe wimmin skreemin insyd widh shawk.

It waws grayt funn an I waws tinkin how much I luv owr annyool parish hawl bawl wen I reelysd evreewun had gawn kwyt. I turnd rownd an hoo shud bee beehynd uss butt a bunsh awv udder wimmin wee didunt rekinys. It turnd owt dhat dhe parish wimmin wer havin anuddur wimmin’s klub ovur fur gests an dhay wer layt kummin beekaws dher buss brok down ovur dhe hill an dhay had too wawk, wich iss wy wee didunt heer dhem widh awl dhe noys wee wer maykin.

So dhe parish hawl bawl endud widh dhe wimmin doin dhe bawlin fur dhe furst tym in livin memree. It waws no funn at awl havin too go insyd an tayk owr punshment, wich waws too bee dhe wimmin’s slayvs fur dhe rest awv dhe eevnin, maykin tee fur dhem an passin rownd dhe cups an wawshin up lyk a groop awv pansees, lissnun too dhem diskussin dhe laytist fashuns an deskrybin horribul oprayshuns dhay awr dher relutivs had had. Eevun Saynt Josuf had too doo wawt hee waws tol orr tayk dhe konskwensis, wich Missus ORylee furom dhe pos tawfis sed wud involv hur havin a wurd widh dhe bishup of Gawlway, an shee sed hee shud bee ashaymd awv himself hee beein a parish preest an awl. Shee didunt say wawt shee waws goin too doo too Mistur ORylee laytur, butt wee awl kan gess enneeway.

Maggee preetendud nawt too wawnt too speek too mee, an mayd mee pik up hur kup furom dhe grownd by hur feet three tyms an reefill it fur hur, wich I tink waws eksessuv, butt I had too giv in widh a gud grayss an akt ass iff I didunt mynd wun bitt. Im nawt shur I lyk Maggee enneemorr.

Wurs awv awl, wen I gott hom Dawlee had sumhow herd dhe nyoos, bekaws shee wuddint lett mee into dhe bedroom an I had too spend dhe hol nyt lyin awn dhe settee, wich iss verree short an gayv mee kramp in my leggs. Dhen in dhe mawrnin, wen shee still wuddent lett mee in, I reelysd dhat itwaws I myself had lawkd dhe dorr lass nyt, so I had slep awn dhe settee fur nuttin. Its taykin mee dhe hol day too gett ovur dhe ekspeeryanss an I tink fur dhe neks parish hawl bawl wee will hav too mayk shur wee doo it awn a nyt wen dher arr no visturs, ass I don tink I cud berr such hyoomileeayshun agen.